Thursday, April 3, 2008

Poor People like Economic Stability

As the media continues to throw around accusations of a looming recession, and corporations such as Bear Sterns collapse under the weight of their own pretension, we are reminded that it’s prudent to set financial and professional goals to guide you through 2008.

After consulting with my co-workers, in addition to several minutes on MSN money, I put together an outline to help you plan for the upcoming months.

“Remain calm, all is well.”
Experts recommend not pulling all your money from the stock market. However, you most likely have no portfolio, so you’re probably not panicking about the stock market. The average price per gallon of milk is now over $4. However, Frankenberry is a luxury you gave up in college, so you’re probably not panicking about the cost of groceries. Gas prices are up, and with the summer months approaching, you can look forward to seeing $4 a gallon at the pump--but most likely, you had to trade in your car and buy a bike to commute to work, so don’t worry about the price of a fill-up.

But these problem have cumulative effect… As a result of the rising price of raw ingredients and transportation, you may panic when the cost of previously termed “recession proof foods” rise. That’s right, now they’re charging more for pizza and beer.

The important thing is to remain focused on your savings and earning goals for 2008 and not to panic. Calming breaths, a comprehensive plan and new appreciation of canned tuna will see you through this time.

Brace Yourself
A recession may be inevitable, so take stock of where you are financially. Do you have an emergency fund? You should always have $500 in an emergency fund. Stock pile now. Do you have any other funds you can utilize at this time? Gift certificates may soon lose their value, put them toward necessities or try to trade them in for cash. Extra Dave and Buster tickets lying around the house? Trade them in for preservative heavy foods that you can subsist on at a later time.

On the home front
Take advantage of the lower interest rates and refinance your vacation home… I mean your condo… I mean your houseboat? trailer? large van? room at your parent's house? aaah nevermind.

Rework your résumé
Some companies are reassessing the size of their staff. Most likely the largest salaries will be the first to be axed. This is good news for your job. The bad news is that non-poor people do not adjust well to being poor. They will most likely go down flailing, taking with them anyone in their path. Do not be in the path of the newly poor. Either way, keep your resume updated and your Hooters tee ready.

Reduce Debt
Don’t count on credit card rates falling. Allocate as much as you can spare to paying down your cards. Consider taking more work to pull yourself out of the credit abyss. Your savings can later be utilized as start-up capital in your new career, shower cams are expensive.

If all else fails, it’s only nine months until the year-end bonus…

Sensitivity Trainer
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company


Jami Dwyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jami Dwyer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jami Dwyer said...

man, i do like pizza.

now that i'm unemployed and leeching off my 401k, i can make two whole meals out of half a pizza. unemployment is a good weight loss program. it's the audacity of hopelessness:

i'm tightening my belt and considering reading up on the great depression.

interesting blog; i was in the market for a new one now that "white people" got all right-wing on us. don't they always.

(sorry for deleted comments -- dratted blogger was bein' finicky about my html tags.)