Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Poor People like New Policies

The eagle-eyed efficiency experts of Genericorp have noticed a rise in the office din during business hours. Productivity is not down and the value of the company continues to rise-- however, it's pissing us off. Therefore please see below--new office conduct policies by rank. You will be expected to behave accordingly.

Group 1: CEO, CFO, COO, President, Executive VPs and High Priestesses
Please, continue with uninhibited extortion of all company assets including company credit cards, corporate gifts and tickets, vacations, parties, dinners and non-union staff.

Group 2: Directors, Coordinators, AEs, Managers and VPs
Use of corporate amenities and unlimited vacation allowances may continue, provided the company continues to outpace last year's numbers and the resulting shenanigans continue to amuse Group 1.

Group 3: Representatives, Analysts and Associates
See Cogs

Group 4: Company owned equipment (including fax, Xerox, computer servers, paper clips and coffee machines) and Corporate Cogs
Keep churning and don't consider moving from your fixed position. Only severe malfunctions will be considered a valid reason to leave the location that the reigning manager had last assigned. Documentation from gastroenterologists and PSEG will be required as evidentiary support.

This is work, not Hôtel de Paris.

Sensitivity Trainer
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

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