Friday, April 25, 2008

Poor People Like Advancement

Genericorp like to reward the dedication and loyalty of its employees. Once you have been with the company for several years (of your mid-twenties that are now gone) you can look forward to extra vacation days and a salary increase. If you have been on a good track financially, you will be able to splurge once the money rolls in…

In the future you can:

· Find out what it means when people say “I’m going away for the weekend”
· Own a car and an apartment at the same time
· Find out what an HD TV is, and then get one
· Finally pay off that trip to Europe you took 3 years ago (and possibly go back)
· Be one of those people that grabs the check at dinner and says “It’s on me”
· Buy the new Portishead album instead of waiting for the leak to hit your illegal downloading site of choice
· Supply refreshments at your own party instead of still instructing guests to “BYOB”
· Relieve the unnecessary stress of scouring your room at the end of the month for things to sell on Craigslist
· No longer curse at your local Coinstar for rejecting a quarter and 2 pennies
· Complete half-finished dental work
· Have dinner and a movie in the same night
· Have a pedicure at a salon that does not double as a peep show/crackhouse/daycare center/fish market
· Purchase unmolested cans of Spaghetti-Os
· Vacation at the Cape during the summer months
· Purchase personalized stationary, which will enable to you stop telling people “Sheridan” is your middle name
· Remove your alias from the Meals on Wheels delivery list
· Stop racing the bar bus boys to the half finished beers
· Throw away your home-sewn manila envelope and Styrofoam cup blanket
· Cancel the monthly screenings for “canned tuna induced” mercury poisoning
· Evict the environmental science graduate students that are renting out your deck

Sensitivity Trainer & Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

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