Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Scanner's Top 10 Rich People Who Look Poor

We could not attempt a top 10 to beat this Scanner list of rich people who look poor. Among the highlights are: #2 Trust Fund Hipsters ('These kids spend a lot of their parents' money to look like they're forced to shop at the Salvation Army. The expensive coke also helps with the "too poor to buy groceries" look'), and #8 Tom from Myspace ('You'd think he might want to change out of that t-shirt and put up a new picture. Maybe he could even afford a digital camera with a better DPI? Stop trying to be "one of us," Tom). Of course, how can you beat a sweaty, pasty pic of Pete Doherty (left)? As Whitney would say, only poor people like crack.

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Poor People Like Newbies

So your company is doing well, due in part to your hard work and your complete ignorance of annual bonuses. The company is doing so well that they are able to buy a competitor--and double their size, their resources, their client list, their revenue and your migraine attacks. So what if the office is now louder and more crowded? So what if they had to chainsaw your desk in to two and downgrade your computer system to a Speak ‘n Spell and a legal pad? So what if Day 43 of “Promotion Watch 2008” is the day that your promised position was eradicated with the addition of a new work force? There will be so many fun people to meet once you’re down from the ledge!

There will be new people in the elevator, in the bathroom, at the coffee machine and at the bodega, staring at the menu like they’re searching for the “Catch of the Day” entry. There will be new people to share in the experience of cake day and sales meetings. There will be more human shields to fill up the space between you and your stalker. It will be like visiting a sister chapter of Delta Phi Poor!

If none of these changes are beneficial to you, at least try to find some joy in the first time you witness an unwitting newbie try to get past the neck-tattooed security staff without their ID badge. Keep your eyes straight ahead and your ipod on as you walk past--and then have yourself a little victory party in the elevator. Haha NEWBIE!

Sensitivity Trainer
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company