Monday, March 17, 2008

Holidays That Shouldn't Really Be Holidays

After learning that Mindless Media will NOT be closed for Good Friday this week (via the proverbial condescending email from my boss), I’ve decided to compile a list of “Work holidays,” or: Holidays That Shouldn’t Really Be Holidays. I’ve also included a short email which you could use as a template to notify your employees of the non existing holiday.

Be sure to not only gip your employees out of these said “holidays,” but remind them via email that just in case they forgot (or thought for some ridiculous reason that they would have off for a holiday), they do not get a holiday, “floating” holiday, or even a short afternoon. THEY STILL WORK HERE.

Veteran’s Day
‘If you did not fight in a war and have all of your limbs, you can come into work.’

Columbus Day
‘Everyone knows this story is bogus anyway. We will be open for business on this day. However, feel free to wear your “Kiss me I’m Italian” t-shirt.’

Good Friday
‘Lots of people hang on crosses. There’s no need to get a day off. Please be on time, and do not attempt to nail yourself to the file cabinet in protest.’

Martin Luther King Jr. Day
‘MLK was cool and all, but I have a dream that we can all manage to get our work done today.’

President’s Day
‘We have a President everyday. There is no need to get a day off for this.’

Independence Day
‘Fireworks are not until 9:30 anyway. You can work and celebrate a birthday at the same time. We do it every month.’

Labor Day
‘I never really understood the significance of Labor Day, except it’s your last chance to wear white, which you can do while working.’

Yom Kippur
‘We’ve decided that there are too many Jewish holidays, and have since abolished all of them.’

Christmas Eve
‘Try doing this in the 1800’s with no heat and a crippled kid and have some real problems. You can work today.’

New Year’s Eve
‘Regardless of the fact that Mindless Media is located in the heart of Times Square, you can manage to get through the crowd and numerous police barricades and come to work.’

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

1 comment:

vdubjb said...

This is Charles Steinhauer, and I just wanted to let you know that you're fired..