Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Poor People Like Therapy

A new study from the Genericorp Institute for Efficiency was published last month. This study finds the (holiday-less) March-April-May stretch, after President’s Day and a long way from Memorial Day, is the most favorable time to fall victim to Corporate Fatigue. We do not want to interrupt this lucrative time of year with sabbaticals, rest, or relaxation. So please, if you are exhibiting more than 5 of the signs listed below, please contact a pre-approved, in-network therapist, or your office shaman.

· You have a toothbrush, deodorant, and change of clothes stashed in a filing cabinet somewhere.
· You buy things that you don’t need for your apartment, but conclude, “That would be perfect for my cubicle.”
· You’ve wondered aloud what type of benefits Mr. Smithers has…hmm…
· You’ve considered emailing IT when your internet porn has frozen.
· You’ve tried to set up a friend by sending his Vcard to the new girl in accounting.
· Your kitchen faucet, armchair, steering wheel and shower loofah are covered in post-it notes.
· You have set an Outlook reminder for March 26th, Road Rules/Real World Gauntlet 3 Reunion Special.
· Even in the privacy of your own home, you catch yourself looking over your shoulder before logging on to your MySpace page.
· You bind your grocery and to do lists.
· You called a lunch meeting with your 8 year-old to discuss his personal internet usage and phone time.
· When your cell phone rings, it takes you about 5 seconds to remember where you are and what greeting you’re supposed to use.
· You replace your patio furniture with tents to keep out the oppressive sunlight.
· You try to transfer your roommate's calls to her voicemail.
· While visiting your mother’s house, you enter the bathroom and inadvertently reach about the toilet for a seat cover.
· You conclude voicemails to your mother with, “Please call back at your earliest possible convenience to confirm.”
· While making phone calls on your commute home, you continue to use codenames for all your co-workers.
· When you are home between the hours of 9-5 on a weekday, you feel disoriented and seek solace in your blackberry.
· You have written an angry letter comparing the contents of the vending machines on floor 3 vs. floor 4.
· You know damn well that “Mary Richards” was a cutter.
· You flash your ID at your cat as you enter your apartment.

Sensitivity Trainer
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

1 comment:

Lorraine Woodward said...

you forgot dialing "9" on those rare occasions when you pick up your home phone to make a call . . .