Single and Looking: Notes From a Poor Person's Job Hunt Part II

Sometimes I'm reading job descriptions and have no idea what they actually mean.

Sometimes, I wonder if they go out of their way to frighten me.

"Is this seriously what I will have to do if I were to get this job?"

"Will I really have a combination of 27 different main responsibilities?"

Sometimes I'm scared to work for the person that created the job description.

Utilize best practices for developing processes and procedures for producing productive lead generation and transactional consumer web sites.

"This sentence must be redundant somehow"

"There must be a better way to phrase this so that it doesn't scare people."

"This job description gives me a headache in my frontal lobe."

Sometimes the required skills seem a bit particular.

Extensive use of HTML, FBML, DHTML, XML, PHP, MYSQL, Wordpress, Facebook, and CSS

"FBML? When did Facebook become bigger than the internet and warrant it's own markup language acronym?"

"Clearly I don't know FBML, let alone use it extensively."

"Has anyone used every single one of those skills extensively?"

"It should really say 'or' instead of 'and' in this job description."

"Even if I am otherwise completely qualified for this job, they will not hire me if I don't have extensive knowledge of FBML."

"I wonder if I could learn FBML before my interview."

"I will not get an interview."

"May as well give up."

-Cog

Single and Looking: Notes From a Poor Person's Job Hunt

Sometimes I apply to jobs and I think, "this is the one."

"This is a great cover letter and I have all the experience necessary to get this job."

"Everything about this job is seemingly perfect."

"It has all of the qualities I am looking for in a job."

Then I visualize having the job, and what it will be like getting the indicated salary.

"I could make a considerable life upgrade with this kind of salary. I could turn HBO and Showtime back on, or maybe even get a car."

"The HR department says there are programs for educational assistance. I can start my masters!"

"Maybe I’ll figure out what a 401K is."

I obsess over the Google map and see what's located near the new office!

"Only 2 blocks from Pret A Manger. They have great croissants!"

"Only 1 block from a yoga studio. I could take yoga and be healthy!"

I imagine the commute and the office atmosphere.

"It would only take me 20 minutes to get there from home!"

"I hope that they have a casual work environment like the ad promised."

"I bet they have windows!"

I automatically skip ahead, and my expectations get unrealistically high.

"Wow, my potential boss is a really wonderful mentor. He/she wants me to succeed."

“If I work as an assistant at XXX for a year or two, I could be in a position to be CEO before I’m 30!”

"I can tell I will be appreciated for all of the hard work I do at this company."

"I will get a raise after only 6 months."

Slowly, I come back to reality.

"They will probably never even read my email."

"If I'm lucky, I'll get one of those condescending, automated 'thanks for applying!' responses."

"They must be getting 1,000 resumes a day in this ec0nomy."

After my first few weeks, I'll start to notice a few rather strange things.

"Do they think they can just pay me in pizza?"

"Why is there so much turn-over in this office?"

I'll grow to hate it within a year and resent even its best qualities.

"I wish my co-worker would stop playing his ipod so loudly."

"I'd rather die then go to work today."

Happy Hunting,
PPLP