Poor People Like Simple Tasks

Ask me what it's like to re-type the names of all of the players in the 2009 WTA Tour and ATP Tour. Itza Sukzalotzova.

Serena Williams
Dinara Safina
Jelena Jankovic
Elena Dementieva
Vera Zvonareva
Venus Williams
Svetlana Kuznetsova
Ana Ivanovic
Nadia Petrova
Agnieszka Radwanska
Flavia Pennetta
Caroline Wozniacki
Alize Cornet
Marion Bartoli
Victoria Azarenka
Patty Schnyder
Maria Sharapova
Dominika Cibulkova
Jie Zheng
Anabel Medina Garrigues
Katarina Srebotnik
Anna Chakvetadze
Kaia Kanepi
Amelie Mauresmo
Ai Sugiyama
Sybille Bammer
Alisa Kleybanova
Na Li
Navarro Suarez
Agnes Szavay
Alona Bondarenko
Aleksandra Wozniak
Sara Errani
Iveta Benesova
Shuai Peng
Mara Santangelo
Maria Kirlenko
Francesca Schiavone
Sorana Cirstea
Daniela Hantuchova
Bethanie Mattek Sands
Tamarine Tanasugarn
Samantha Stosur
Petra Kvitova
Gisela Dulko
Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova
Tsvetana Pironkova
Monica Niculescu
Shahar Peer
Olga Govortsova
Lucie Safarova
Magdalena Rybarikova
Anne Keothavong
Ekaterina Makarova
Tathiana Garbin
Kateryna Bondarenko
Marina Erakovic
Virginie Razzano
Nathalie Dechy
Karin Knapp
Timea Bacsinkszky
Sabine Lisicki
Yung Jan Chan
Anna Lena Groenfeld
Alla Kudryavtseva
Nuria Vives
Klara Zakopalova
Pauline Permentier
Mathilde Johansson
Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez
Galina Voskoboeva
Nicole Vaidisova
Sofia Arvidsson
Lourdes Dominguez Uno
Yanina Wickmayer
Vera Dushevina
Jose Acasuso
Nicolas Almagro
Mario Ancic
Igor Andreev
Julien Benneteau
Tomas Berdych
James Blake
Simone Bolelli
Agustin Calleri
Guillermo Canas
Jeremy Chardy
Juan Ignacio Chela
Marin Cilic
Steve Darcis
Nikolay Davydenko
Juan Martin Del Potro
Nicolas Devilder
Novak Djokovix
Roger Federer
David Ferrer
Marty Fish
Teimuraz Gabashvili
Guillermo Garcia Lopez
Richard Gasquet
Marc Gicquel
Robby Ginepri
Fernando Gonzalez
Marcel Granollers
Ernests Gulbis
Tommy Haas
Victor Hanescu
Oscar Hernandez
Jan Hernych
Diego Junqueira
Ivo Kalovic
Nicolas Kiefer
Philipp Kohlschreiber
Stefan Koubek
Igor Kunityn
Ivan Ljubicic
Michael Llodra
Feliciano Lopez
Hsun Yen Lu
Paul Henri Mathieu
Jurgen Melzer
Juan Monaco
Gael Monfils
Albert Montanes
Carlos Moya
Andy Murray
Rafael Nadal
David Nalbandian
Ivan Navarro
Jarkko Nieminen
Kei Nishikori
Philipp Petzschner
Sam Querrey
Bobby Reynolds
Tommy Robredo
Christophe Rochus
Andy Roddick
Marat Safin
Fabrice Santoro
Rainer Schuettler
Eduardo Schwank
Andreas Seppi
Florent Serra
Gilles Simon
Robin Soderling
Potito Starace
Radek Stepanek
Janko Tipsarevic
Viktor Troicki
Jo Wilfried Tsonga
Dmitry Tursunov
Martin Vasallo Arguello
Fernando Verdasco
Stanislas Wawrinka
Mikhail Youzhny

-Corporate Cog

Poor People Hate Their Jobs

Cam'ron "I Hate My Job"

Everyone loves a comeback, especially when they find out you've been looking for a crappy office job like the rest of us while you've been away. Everyone can relate to this in an interview: "You know we're not hiring murderers, right?" (Nah Right)

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Dohnatenz

www.yeswecanhas.com/

Log Out And Log Back In

"If you've ever called tech support and wondered what the hell they are doing down there... well, this should answer some questions for you."

www.thewebsiteisdown.com

Did You Forget National Boss's Day?

Yesterday was National Boss's Day, a day to show appreciation to the person who gives you a dirty look every time you come back from lunch a minute late. At first we thought, "finally, a national holiday to celebrate the one and only Bruce Springsteen!" But as it turns out, no one's thought of that yet.

Did you forget to get your boss a gift for National Boss's Day? Yeah, so did we.

"Poor man wanna be rich, rich man wanna be king" - THE BOSS

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Presidential Debates

-Bigger fight for poor people’s attention than Wal-Mart advertising at a NASCAR event.

-No commercials = 2 solid hours of babysitting or use of the uppity neighbors’ pool while they’re guaranteed to be watching CNN.

-Debate ’08… yay rhymes.
-Old Man McCain left his perch on his porch and his liquor cabinet open…
-Shout out to Joe the Plumber... WOOTWOOT!
-Respected political commentators are forced to acknowledge the Batman vs. Penguin debate episode as relevant to the course of modern American history.



Sensitivity Trainer
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Weird Al

"Mac and cheese would be alright, but let's send out for pizza tonight and you can order any topping you like. You can even have the last slice."

Scanner's Top 10 Rich People Who Look Poor

We could not attempt a top 10 to beat this Scanner list of rich people who look poor. Among the highlights are: #2 Trust Fund Hipsters ('These kids spend a lot of their parents' money to look like they're forced to shop at the Salvation Army. The expensive coke also helps with the "too poor to buy groceries" look'), and #8 Tom from Myspace ('You'd think he might want to change out of that t-shirt and put up a new picture. Maybe he could even afford a digital camera with a better DPI? Stop trying to be "one of us," Tom). Of course, how can you beat a sweaty, pasty pic of Pete Doherty (left)? As Whitney would say, only poor people like crack.

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Newbies

So your company is doing well, due in part to your hard work and your complete ignorance of annual bonuses. The company is doing so well that they are able to buy a competitor--and double their size, their resources, their client list, their revenue and your migraine attacks. So what if the office is now louder and more crowded? So what if they had to chainsaw your desk in to two and downgrade your computer system to a Speak ‘n Spell and a legal pad? So what if Day 43 of “Promotion Watch 2008” is the day that your promised position was eradicated with the addition of a new work force? There will be so many fun people to meet once you’re down from the ledge!

There will be new people in the elevator, in the bathroom, at the coffee machine and at the bodega, staring at the menu like they’re searching for the “Catch of the Day” entry. There will be new people to share in the experience of cake day and sales meetings. There will be more human shields to fill up the space between you and your stalker. It will be like visiting a sister chapter of Delta Phi Poor!

If none of these changes are beneficial to you, at least try to find some joy in the first time you witness an unwitting newbie try to get past the neck-tattooed security staff without their ID badge. Keep your eyes straight ahead and your ipod on as you walk past--and then have yourself a little victory party in the elevator. Haha NEWBIE!

Sensitivity Trainer

Mindless Media

A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Assurance

Graph Jam - Pop Culture For People in Cubicles

Poor People Like Breakdowns

This footage from an office Surveillance video at Mindless Media has recently been making the rounds on the internet. We weren't sure exactly what set off the employee until we found this version with "recovered audio."

All future attempts to Rick Roll co-workers will result in immediate termination from the company. No genericorp employees were injured during the outbreak. However, the summer party has been canceled to cover damage costs, and all employees are expected to volunteer this Saturday to help with the clean up.

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Excuses

CNN and Career Builder posted the “10 Best Excuses for Coming to Work Late.” I saw the headline and was planning to offer some suggestions, but I don’t think we can beat “I didn't have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.”

Sheer Genius, I applaud you.

Sensitivity Trainer

Mindless Media

A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Gov't Money

www.howispentmystimulus.com

Poor People Like New Jobs

Poor people love to start new jobs that increase their salary anywhere from $.50 - $20 hourly. It will become apparent that no matter what type of job you have at whatever kind of company, there are certain qualities that every last job on the planet shares. Understanding these qualities will help you accept your fate as an employee of Genericorp, no matter where that may be:

Inefficient Computer Programs
Whether it’s the appointment software at the doctor’s office, the eBay lister at the retail store or the affiliate database at Mindless Media, you can bet your bottom dollar (which you’ve seen often) that this program will operate according to how necessary it is for completing your daily tasks. If there is one program that you need all day/everyday in order to get any work done, it is pretty much a guarantee that this will be the most deficient program you use in your entire life. You can try to trick it by pretending you don’t really need to be using it, but it knows better.

Awkward First Days
No matter how casual the dress, atmosphere, or work load, you can be sure that your first day will be unbearably awkward, as if everyone and everything about your new job is going out of its way to terrify you into never coming back. This is also mostly because everyone at your new job is trying their best to give a good first impression. This means; no talking, music, or cigarette breaks. Even though you remember perfectly what your previous job was like on a regular day just days before, it all escapes you as you sit in your new chair, unsure how exactly you’re going to adjust to the height of your new desk, and wondering to yourself how everyone could possibly be so well-behaved.

Guilt
With every single job comes a ton of guilt, whether it’s your boss, co-workers, the job itself or YOU trying to inflict it. New jobs especially like to pile on the guilt like the toppings at Subway. Ever notice that everyone at your new job is at their desk working before 9am? Ever notice that everyone stays well past 5:30? They all sit in front of their computers working diligently as you continue with the First Day Bitch Work that has been assigned to you, hoping anyone will leave so that you’re not the asshole who left before everyone else. Also, you will notice that everyone chooses to “eat lunch” at their “desk” on your first day, inadvertently quilting you into not going out for your lunch hour.

A Boss
Yes, no matter where you work or what you do there, if you are poor - you will have a boss. Bosses come in all different forms, some more subtle than others, but all with the same purpose…to make sure you work. Some bosses may appear to be friendly, caring, and genuinely concerned with why you are late or why you threw up in the bathroom after lunch. But at Genericorp, you can be sure of one thing; they care about their job more than they will ever, ever care about you.

Go forward soldiers, but tread lightly.

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Birthdays

Poor people like birthdays because it gives them an opportunity to get 3 things that they love; beer, cake and attention. I'd like to thank the employees here at PPLP for giving me balloons and cake for my birthday. "Balloons are the most visible way to say, 'we're too poor for real presents.'" It's also nice to find a box of cupcakes on your desk in the morning after Mindless Media decides to skip Monthly Cake Day on YOUR month.

Elizabeth Stolfi
Corporate Cog
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Happy 40th Birthday, Cubicle!

40 years ago today (er,yesterday), Bob Propst (an inventor who worked for Herman Miller, Inc.) invented the cubicle. Thanks a lot! While he may have done so with the best intentions, the cubicle has become a symbol of a disillusioned work-force, cramped into a 4x4 space not unlike the modern jail cell (except you don't have a lock).

How to celebrate your cubicle's special day? Here are some gift ideas that your 3 pieces of wall would love:

• Shag carpeting
  
• Vacation to LegoLand
  
• Really big toaster cozy
  
• Office Max gift cards
  
• Simpsons desk calendar
  
• A pebbles chair mat
  
• Homemade Post-it storybooks
  
• Wreath made of faxes

After bestowing such gifts onto your cubicle, maybe it will be nice and give you your soul back.

The PPLP Team
Mindless Media
A Genericorp Company

Poor People Like Dunkin'

There's still time... it's Free Iced Coffee day at Dunkin' Donuts until 10pm.

There's no way your boss has heard a thing about it.

Poor People Like Cutting it Close

Payday is in 43 minutes.

A Great Idea

That Would Be the Cherry on My Sundae

[Thuggish teen prances in front of taxi.]
Cabbie: Are you really that poor that you need to walk and get hit by my cab for money?!
Thuggish teen, walking to taxi window: Thats what I do! Mmmhmmm [Eats ice cream slowly at car window.]

--10th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Anne

Poor People like Dilbert

Dilbert.com now offers “Mash-ups” that allow subscribers to write their own 3rd panel of the popular comic strip. As many of us at Genericorp find the gentle humor of this cartoon cathartic, we decided to participate in this feature. Our contributions are below.

Please take note that this tomfoolery was conducted on our *personal* time.

Corporate Hag:








Sensitivity Trainer:








Corporate Cog: